Remember: It is all about Chemistry …

I am writing from the 11th floor of one of Sao Paulo’s skyscrapers.

São Paulo is a very special city with a confusing, yet interesting, urban architecture. One in which beautiful modern, some of them even vanguardist, buildings with nicely kept gardens can be found. Right beside almost each of one them there is a favela, which makes it a peculiar urbanistic view.

Whilst here, I found myself doing one of my favourite things in life and that is ‘people-watching’. No bias here, but the first thing I observe is how they are dressed. I have to confess, I also do a full colour analysis on them just by looking at them!

I am, what I would call, a creative creature, so I really enjoy people-watching, because it allows my imagination to fly high in order to fill in the gaps my brain finds. I create stories in my mind about those who I come across. I start imagining where they come from, their age, marital status, job, partners, what they had for breakfast and, believe me, much more!

I particularly like it when I people-watch those who are in a group, because it feels like a puzzle I need to resolve about how people in that named group relate to each other. In doing so, it is also very intriguing to try to decodify the levels of chemistry between people.

Indeed, chemistry is not just about that connection that two people who are physically attracted to each other feel. It goes beyond that. If you have siblings, for example, perhaps you have noticed that you may feel more connected to one than the other and that is not to say that you like one more than the other.

We can even get more sophisticated, as new scholars believe sexual attraction is influenced by odour chemistry, as this theory suggests women release certain scents during their cycle, which will sexually attract men. I would personally call it the principle of natural procreation instinct. Likewise, some studies seem to suggest that, generally, women will tend to feel instinctively attracted to men whose genes are compatible to theirs and again, instinctively filtering this compatibility by their sense of smell. To add to the complexity, these processes should be reciprocated. In other words, if there is a feeling of attraction, or a sense of chemistry/connection, by only one of the parties, it is unlikely it will work.

There is something that connects us to others. Similarly, there is something that disconnects us from others.

Our beautifully complex human nature means that we all emanate different types of energies and these energies attract different types of people, which means one is, supposedly, more likely to attract those who have similar energy types as ours. In order to balance and source energies, it is as if one applies a type of suction on people who have a similar type of energy. This is why, you feel particularly positive and well energised when surrounded by some people. Whereas with some other type of people you may feel drained and/or negative.

For this reason, it is important you understand what works for you at all levels of social interaction, either that be friendships, partnerships, jobs, work or school colleagues, love or sexual relationships and even family interactions.

Sticking to the right types of energies around you will help you to improve your wellbeing.

What can you do?

• Start by identifying occasions in which you felt happy or particularly well in yourself;

• Think about the types of people you were surrounded by during those occasions or periods of your life;

• Think about how you psychologically responded to those, as well as, if and how your body responded;

• Think about the opposite, that is about the moments when you felt particularly down and the cues around you during those times. This is important so you learn to spot these from the distance and avoid wherever possible!

This analysis will help you to foster an environment around you that works for you and bring you the types of energies you respond well to.

Nonetheless, there are a few basics things that you will need to also be mindful of in order for the above to work and, in my opinion, these are:-

1. Follow your gut instinct

Due to our energies and our reading of others’ energies, our instinct is generally a good thermometer. Some people’s instinct is more attuned than others. If you believe that yours is not, then you can consciously train it. If in doubt, do not be afraid to give the benefit of the doubt and discover. At best you will learn for next time!

2. Be yourself

There is sometimes the temptation that one will try to please others in order to not upset others, the group or the system (whatever system that might be). This is most likely going to result in frustration on one self, as one will be refraining their will in order to accommodate others’ will and needs. Ask yourself if such compromise is worth the sentiment this is going to secretly provoke on you. If you feel sufficiently comfortable to let it go and be yourself, you will be able to let your instinct work better, rather than suppress it and force something that is likely to result in anguish.

3. Do not be afraid of cutting ties

Lastly, I won’t say much on this one other than do not be afraid of cutting ties. I once heard someone saying that “you are not really growing up, if you are not losing some friends along the way”.